How to retain your identity in a relationship

12 Great Ways To Be Yourself In An Unhealthy Relationship

how to retain your identity in a relationship

Video on saying independent and maintaining a strong relationship. by your partner. Keeping these facets of yourself contained creates internal tension. You always have a self, independent of your relationship. But if you don't feel the marriage We had so much codependence that we lost our identity.”. The goal in a relationship is to be close and still maintain an identity as a separate person. When people are in an individuated state, they are.

how to retain your identity in a relationship

I allot a certain amount of time to work, to myself, and to my relationship. I — and my relationship — are healthier for it. Say What You Feel My boyfriend and I were in an airport restaurant waiting for our flight to Vegas when he told me he wanted to watch the hockey game the next morning.

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  • Maintaining Your Identity in a Relationship

I had said what was on my mind, and therefore, I had taken care of my need in that moment. The only way to get my needs and wants met is to directly express what they are. If my partner says something that makes me feel bad, or if something comes up that makes me feel icky, I immediately feel it in my body. For me, my chest tightens, my stomach starts rumbling, and I feel my pulse in my throat. Because I want to feel good, my goal is to get the discomfort out of my body as quickly as I can.

The way to do this is to say how I feel.

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If I keep the emotion in and do or say the opposite of what I feel, my insides shrink, and my mind starts running away from anything good and toward a story of blame and excuse. The goal is to drop the story around the feeling and simply deal with the emotion.

Checking In Maintaining who I am in a relationship is a practice. And to keep present requires a bit of action, which is where check-ins come into play. What would make you feel sexy right now? Have you done something for yourself this week?


I can ask myself any of these questions and more, but the point is to touch base with my wants and needs, knowing that I am responsible for my own wellbeing. Well, all I know is that it took me a long time to get to know myself and to really like her. This is often the case when a couple does not feel that they have enough quality time together.

Remember quality time is very different from simply living together or being around each other a lot. Arranging specific times in the week to have quality time with your partner will help you to feel more comfortable making plans with friends or getting involved with your hobbies.

This way, you are confident that you will have enough time with your partner and are therefore less reluctant to make other commitments during the week. If you lose sight of them, you will not only lose that sense of personal purpose and motivation in life but you will also lose a big part of yourself.

So keep chasing your dreams when you are in a relationship. If your partner loves he or she will fully support you in this. Being around other people may be a big effort, as you have to make a bigger effort to socialize — whereas being with your partner may be relaxing and easy.

how to retain your identity in a relationship

If you do this, you will lose your independence and you will become heavily dependent on your partners company. This is a sign of an unhealthy relationship and can be burdening on your partner…. Be open to take on new things When we try new things and get out of our comfort zone, we prove to ourselves that we can still take on a challenge by ourselves.

It will help boost your confidence and give you a feeling of independence. Often we are worried that if we become too busy, our relationship will suffer.

This can be true to a certain extent, however maintaining your personal interests and having time with your friends is the healthiest thing you can do for your relationship! When you become too dependent on you partner, it can make them feel trapped, as they are not able to do the things they enjoy either. Rather maintain a healthy balance in your life.

This may seem harmless, but when you really analyze it, you might realize that you tell him or her everything because you feel as though you secretly need their approval.

Everything I did today was completely innocent.

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This is often the case with couples where one is quite insecure and mistrusting. If this sounds like your relationship, then avoid the urge to tell your partner everything. Challenge yourself to be confident in yourself and the decisions you make. Your thoughts, opinions, likes and dislikes. Compromise ensues, and sooner or later you realize that you now never make a decision without taking the other person into account. While a certain amount of this is very healthy for your partnership, it can also be scary because it can make you feel like you have lost your sense of self.

Compounding that sense of loss can be the way the two of you are now automatically associated together in social or business circles.

Maintaining Your Identity in a Relationship - Everyday Feminism

Suddenly it can feel like any statement made or opinion expressed by your partner is connected to you…even if you disagree with it! You introduce one other to your friends and various social circles, and if they like each other, or their significant other likes yours, then you all become friends together. To regularly make time to hang out on your own. To spend time doing things you like to do with your friends, but not your partner. Some couples set aside weekly friend nights where you go your separate ways and hang out with your own friends.

Others arrange these outings based on events. For example, maybe you get tickets to a show you want to see with your friend rather than your partner. As much as you love each other, and as inseparable as you are in that first rush of being together, make an active effort to spend time apart. It will help maintain your other relationships, which will in turn keep you from putting too much pressure on your partner to be your Everything. Most people know this but it happens anyway.