Healthy relationship give and take

healthy relationship give and take

When someone refers to the "give and take" in a relationship, it means the Give and take is an attitude and approach to a healthy friendship. "It's all about give and take" is probably something you've heard of many times. It means to enact reciprocity, or simply put, to do a certain action that you might. Here are 5 tips to help you have a give and take relationship with your partner: Compliments are a vital part of a healthy relationship.

Ask yourself whether this is a gift you're giving no strings attached, no expectationsor whether it's a loan hoping for a payback?

Give and Take

Be judicious with who you give to, how much you give and why. If you repeatedly give more than you receive and feel bitter about it, you may want to explore why you go beyond your limits. Expand your circle of friends. We all give in different ways -- it's why I'm a big proponent of having several close friends. We get different needs met and can appreciate how others give to us better when we can see the differences. You'll need less from any one friend when you feel supported by several.

When you have a friend whose shoulder you can cry on, you can better appreciate the other friend who simply makes you laugh. The best way to feel more full? Receive from more women! This is especially true if you feel that one friend keeps disappointing you.

It's your responsibility to build a circle of friends around you, not her obligation to be everything you need. Acknowledge that balance doesn't mean being identical. We not only give in different ways, but we also give at different times.

Relationships- Give and Take

Going through my divorce, I monopolized more than 50 percent of many conversations with friends. And the roles have been reversed at various times. Additionally, I have one friend who impressively always invites and schedules time with my husband and me. I don't reciprocate evenly in that area, but I've provided her coaching, held her heart through pain and been a safe place to process life out loud with someone who cares.

Bask in the ways you receive. So you give a lot. Make sure you notice what you're receiving, too! She may not be great at remembering your birthdays, but does she love in other ways?

Why were you drawn to her initially? Make sure you take time to look for all the ways she might be giving that you don't initially see. Pull out a pad of paper and list everything you can think of that she does for you.

healthy relationship give and take

This includes things like easily forgiving you, brainstorming your business with you, encouraging you to be an individual, standing up for you, making you laugh, remembering to ask about your mom, etc.

Be sure you're receiving what's being given!

Relationships Involve Give and Take - ACW

Continue to give your best. If you're good at scheduling time together, then do it. If you're good at listening longer, asking better questions and validating feelings, then give and do it freely. If you're the one who remembers birthdays and buys presents for her kids, then do it with joy, harboring no resentment.

6 Ways to Bring Balance to Your Relationships | HuffPost Life

If you're able to pay for meals together, tell her that it's your privilege to give to the friendship in this way. Love on her in the ways that are easy and natural for you, knowing that is your contribution to the friendship you share. For example if I help you and expect you to be grateful, then my feelings of expectation will give me the impression that I have earned a certain amount of social capital, and that my bucket is a little fuller as yours is a little emptier.

healthy relationship give and take

Yet if you are not that grateful, you will not think you owe me that much. In fact if you did not need or want my help then you may think you owe me nothing. And if you see my help as an intrusion or an attempted 'robbery' in forcing me to owe you in return then your feelings of resentment will tip the balance the other way as you believe I owe you some reparation for the wrong done.

In this way positive and negative emotions have opposite effects on the social capital bucket, and the stronger the emotion, the bigger the effect.

6 Ways to Bring Balance to Your Relationships

If you hurt me in any way, then you owe me. If you help me then I owe you. Love and hate are enduring emotions that have a big effect on give and take. If I love you then I will give much.

Even if you do little in return, I will feel good for having helped you and hence effectively reward myself with good feelings rather than expect things from you. The extreme form of this is unconditional love which, as the name suggests, expects nothing in return. Love can also complicate the bucket when it leads to lower expected reciprocity.

My expressions of love for you may make you feel that I expect little. This can cause resentment and anger that results in recriminations that erode the love, effectively 'killing the golden goose'.

Hate is often based in the belief that the other person owes a great deal, which justifies attacks that take much from them. When others refuse to repay what we believe they owe us then our emotions become negative and hence motivate harmful action. Just as unconditional love does not consider what is given, blind hate is not concerned with what is taken.

Both can upset the bucket and confuse the social capital account, though each is likely to beget itself. Love very largely creates love and hate mostly creates hate. Love results in much reciprocal giving while hate leads to battles of blow-by-blow taking. The wider effect While give and take is important in individual relationships, its broader power is in the creation of society.

As relationships deepen and trust increases, we may take from one person and give to another. For example a person in a happy relationship will be kind to others, effectively sharing the social capital gained from their relationship partner. This is helped by the fact that emotional exchange is often unconscious. When I help you, I may not realize the value I provide and so do not expect much in return. This gives you the scope to help others without emptying the bucket.

The overspill thus created keeps society afloat in a sea of social capital. Social capital can be gained indirectly when others see you helping people and doing good things. When they appreciate your actions in conforming with social norms, their approval effectively acts as putting a few social credits into your bucket. Politicians know that they can make huge gains from widespread public approval, so they seek to champion popular causes and otherwise appear 'good'.

healthy relationship give and take

Within this social system there will be net takers and givers: Givers may be unwilling, feeling as the downtrodden poor. They may also be those who have a seemingly deep well and who pay themselves internally, feeling good just for helping rather than needing material repayment from others. It is this intrinsic system that gives society its net positive social capital and which allows us to live together in large groups.

Laws often result from failures of people and society to maintain a balance of give and take. They remind us to give and they take from takers with material and physical punishment. Laws protect the vulnerable from those who would take advantage. They also redistribute wealth from those who have taken more than others. To gain social capital remember that you need to gain gratitude or appreciation. It may be a high integrity approach to always do the 'right thing', but if nobody knows then you gain only satisfaction.